Please follow these instructions. Sit down. Click here. Read the story. Then click here just to confirm that this is not, in fact, a story from The Onion. This is, in fact, a report from the Los Angeles Times. Now read the story again and note that this is the rare opportunity to do what reporter William Lobdell has done -- quote outraged Catholic traditionalists and progressives in the same story. Once you have done all that that, click here. Now, get up off the floor.